Lost In Beauty ♥ -

Sunday, July 20, 2008

jus feel like blogging now..
sucks.. sometimes to please others is hard, very hard..
to me, as long as the people ard me is happy, even if its at my expense, all is fine.. peace and harmony..
since sec sch, frens haf been telling me tt its nvr possible to please everyone but, to me, if someone, esp my close frens is unhappy, i will take it as my fault.. so by hook or by crook i'll haf to cheer him/her up..
i dunno why but i will jus keep self reproach and tink of ways to make sure he/she is not angry anymore..
actually im fine with it but when ppl don appreciate it or take it for granted, i will feel being made used of.. if u at the very least express gratitude, i will feel v happy, otherwise, i will keep tinking why am i being made used of..

why is it tt when something happens, i'll haf to be the one to try and settle it? is it cos i volunteered once then its taken that its my duty?
why is it tt ppl will sort of "show colour" to me but not to others? is it im too soft hearted such tt u can vent it on me, tinking tt i will jus treat it as nth will happen?
why is it tt when something happens, ppl can treat it like nth has happened and carry on but i will haf to do the rubbish work like explaining wat actually happen and to make sure tt there's no misunderstanding?
why is it tt only i will start to worry and fumble when something happens?

Also, since sec sch, i alr don mind when ppl say tt of me.. but how come recently when certain ppl says it i will feel inferior? its sad, real sad.. i nvr EVER felt tis way before.. maybe its bcos its said to me continously, repeatedly.. so much so that i fear hearing such stuff nowadays.. :'( its like ppl can say it, laugh it off with others and wad can i do? pretend to laugh with them.. if not wad? turn and show face? i will not dare to do that.. why? cos im such a loser..

What happen to "feeling free and easy in front of frens?"
i dunno, but mayb its the stress tt is pounding everyone now such tt ppl gets panicky and vent it on others, even i do tt sometimes, i noe..

im not complaining here, jus had all these in my mind while doing tutorials, so jus wanna let it out..

anyways, thks to those tt appreciate me for who i am.
like the old cliche saying, "good frens are hard to come by".

the beauty exposed ;